Whay Whay Joo Joo

[action, early in the day]



[Hagakure can be found at the Goldenrod department store, doing a little shopping. At the most opportune moment, he's at the cash register getting his items rung up. He doesn't look very happy about it, though. In fact, he looks downright horrified.]

A total of P666?! You can't be serious! That's like, a super bad omen! You gotta tell me you made a mistake ringing that crap up!

[The extremely confused cashier tries to reason with the freaked out Hagakure, but after not being able to calm him down, she eventually finds a coupon from the store's coupon book and applies it out of pity. This time, the total comes to P444, and...Hagakure isn't any happier about it.]

Now it's really unlucky!! Why is this happening to meeeeee?!

[There are bad signs everywhere and his luck is so bad, you guys.]

[video]

[It's been a long time since Hagakure made a post to the network. In fact, the subject he's going to be talking about is the same as his last post. He's been purposely avoiding posting for Several Reasons but that's not the point right now. After the continuation of earth tremors, glowing crystals, agitated Psychic types, bad number omens, and now near-constant headaches of his own, he knows it's time to speak up.]

Long time no see, guys! How's it going?

[He's surprisingly upbeat despite...everything, but hey, it's always good to appear totally cool on the network.

Not that he's ever done a good job of that, but you know.]

Since these weird tremors and glowing crystals haven't let up, I figured I'd lend my services to you guys. Ya see, I'm a fortune teller and I'm really good with Psychic types. For everyone who has at least one, you've had to have noticed that they've been acting really unlike themselves every time these tremors come around and the crystals flip out.

[He seems a little troubled when he talks about that, but he presses on.]

Well, I can help with that! I've got a ton of Psychic types, and I have plenty of techniques to calm 'em down that I'd be happy to share.

I did something like this the last time the crystals were messing things up, but this time I'm opening up my office for personal visits. [His office being…his room at the Dangan House.] So if you have an anxious Psychic type, you can bring 'em over and I'll personally show you how to help 'em out.

[…there has to be a catch to this, but if there is one, Hagakure's not saying.]

So yeah, just drop me a line here and we can work something out! I can do long distance appointments too, for everyone not in Goldenrod.

[Aaand deep breath. Phew. Okay, now that the business is out of the way...his face suddenly gets a lot more serious.]

I'm also up for discussing the tremors and crystals, especially from people who were here for the last crystal attack. I'd really like to hear your theories behind 'em, 'cause this is getting kiiind of crazy.

You guys don't think the last attack was just a precursor to something even worse, do you...?

[With that awful thought in mind, Hagakure ends the feed there.]

[Hagakure's most recent post is taking place outside...on the roof of the Dangan House from the looks of things. He seems to be in deep thought, but not quite so much as the Meditite sitting beside him. It looks like nothing could stop that Pokemon from its meditation.

It should also be noted that he has significantly less hair than he did in his previous broadcast. Character development!! Or something. Or maybe the January heatwave just got to him. Either way, it'll probably look really weird for those who know him and haven't seen the change yet.

But with that sidebar over...]

Okay guys, I'm pretty sure we can all agree that the January heatwave was really freaky. We even had some guesses that maybe the end of the world was coming, but I didn't get any of those kinda vibes from Fates so it wasn't that.

But that's not all the weird weather that's been goin' on lately...

[He picks the 'Gear up to give a general view of the scenery. It's sunny and calm, with not as much snow around as you'd expect in February. The skyline of Goldenrod City can be seen not too far off from this view too.]

I dunno if you guys've noticed, but the weather's been the same for like a week. Same temps, same sunny sky, same everything! I dunno if that's creepier than nineties in the middle of January or what.

But I think I finally know what's goin' down here.

[Similar to his first post, he brings the 'Gear closer to his face and lowers his voice like he's trying to keep a secret, despite the fact that he's practically alone (like his Meditite's going to be listening in) and he's telling this to the entire network.]

Something's seriously up, you guys. I think someone's—I'd say it's the government, but does Johto even have one? Anyway, someone's found out a way to control the weather, either with a machine or a really powerful Pokemon or something, and they're like...testing it to see what it can do. Then they're gonna use it to manipulate the weather for their benefit! I bet they set the weather like this to lure out those weird Bloober things for them to catch en masse and sell on the Black Market!!

[The further he goes, the more animated and passionate he gets about this ridiculous conspiracy theory.]

And that's not all, oh no. That's just the beginning! Once they perfect the weather manipulation, they're gonna improve whatever they're using and figure out how to control our minds! They're gonna totally brainwash us to do their bidding!!

[Oh god he's legitimately serious about this, someone stop him.]

Sure, it all sounds like something you'd expect from a cartoon, but believe me when I say it's totally possible. I've done a lot of reading and researching back home, and seriously, you guys have no idea what groups with a lot of money and power can actually do.

[Finally finished with his rant, Hagakure takes a moment to inhale and catch his breath.]

So my point in all this is basically, next time something else really weird happens with the weather, remember what I said, 'kay? Maybe we should try to get to the bottom of this sometime before it gets seriously bad. Oh! And make sure you're always aware of yourself. You never know when you'll end up doing something you never thought you would due to brainwashing.

[He gives a nod of approval as if he feels he's proud of himself for that...whatever that was, then ends the feed there.]