crystalballer: (☄ the fates aren't looking good for you)
[The feed opens up to a twenty-something with impossibly huge hair, who's--

Oh, this is kind of familiar, isn't it? But it's true, there really is a twenty-something year-old dude with impossibly huge hair on the screen! He might even look a little familiar to people who have been around a while. He's dressed very differently though, but no less haphazardly.]


Y'know...no offense Grey, but this is seriously getting suspicious.

[He's talking to an Elgyem sitting beside him as he holds the 'Gear to face them. Eventually he looks up and realizes the 'Gear is recording.]

Oh cool, it's on! Hey uh, this is Yasuhiro Hagakure, from--

[He stops himself, apparently considering his words more carefully.]

--from Earth, I guess! I'm...not totally sure what's goin' on, but if this is happening again, it's gotta involve aliens somehow. I mean, how else can I end up here a second time? Only extraterrestrials would have that kinda world-transfering tech! Seriously you guys, we gotta get to the bottom of this!

[Ohhh boy, what has this post turned into? Even Hagakure's Elgyem is shaking its head. And the worst part is he could totally go on, considering the Johto memories are still foggily returning after so long. But speaking of Johto memories...!]

Oh, right! How long have I been gone? Anyone I know still here? Check in with me and fill me in, 'kay? 'cause my poor brain can only process so much at a time! [With a shaky sigh,] Man, who woulda thought...

[It's definitely a lot to take in, especially after what he just went through back home. But at least this time, he's not completely freaking out about ghosts. That's an improvement at least! Besides, he doesn't look super bummed to be back either, judging by how he smiles at his Pokemon partner before turning back to the 'Gear.]

Sooo yep, summary: I'm Hagakure and I've kinda been around the block so if you newbies here in New Bark need some tips, I'm your man! Also, newbies: alien abduction. Consider it. It's not such a crazy theory as you might think!

[O...kay. With that said, Hagakure out!

Lords he really hopes he can get a ride like last time...]
crystalballer: (☄ i predict you're an asshat)
[action, early in the day]



[Hagakure can be found at the Goldenrod department store, doing a little shopping. At the most opportune moment, he's at the cash register getting his items rung up. He doesn't look very happy about it, though. In fact, he looks downright horrified.]

A total of P666?! You can't be serious! That's like, a super bad omen! You gotta tell me you made a mistake ringing that crap up!

[The extremely confused cashier tries to reason with the freaked out Hagakure, but after not being able to calm him down, she eventually finds a coupon from the store's coupon book and applies it out of pity. This time, the total comes to P444, and...Hagakure isn't any happier about it.]

Now it's really unlucky!! Why is this happening to meeeeee?!

[There are bad signs everywhere and his luck is so bad, you guys.]

[video]

[It's been a long time since Hagakure made a post to the network. In fact, the subject he's going to be talking about is the same as his last post. He's been purposely avoiding posting for Several Reasons but that's not the point right now. After the continuation of earth tremors, glowing crystals, agitated Psychic types, bad number omens, and now near-constant headaches of his own, he knows it's time to speak up.]

Long time no see, guys! How's it going?

[He's surprisingly upbeat despite...everything, but hey, it's always good to appear totally cool on the network.

Not that he's ever done a good job of that, but you know.]


Since these weird tremors and glowing crystals haven't let up, I figured I'd lend my services to you guys. Ya see, I'm a fortune teller and I'm really good with Psychic types. For everyone who has at least one, you've had to have noticed that they've been acting really unlike themselves every time these tremors come around and the crystals flip out.

[He seems a little troubled when he talks about that, but he presses on.]

Well, I can help with that! I've got a ton of Psychic types, and I have plenty of techniques to calm 'em down that I'd be happy to share.

I did something like this the last time the crystals were messing things up, but this time I'm opening up my office for personal visits. [His office being…his room at the Dangan House.] So if you have an anxious Psychic type, you can bring 'em over and I'll personally show you how to help 'em out.

[…there has to be a catch to this, but if there is one, Hagakure's not saying.]

So yeah, just drop me a line here and we can work something out! I can do long distance appointments too, for everyone not in Goldenrod.

[Aaand deep breath. Phew. Okay, now that the business is out of the way...his face suddenly gets a lot more serious.]

I'm also up for discussing the tremors and crystals, especially from people who were here for the last crystal attack. I'd really like to hear your theories behind 'em, 'cause this is getting kiiind of crazy.

You guys don't think the last attack was just a precursor to something even worse, do you...?

[With that awful thought in mind, Hagakure ends the feed there.]
crystalballer: (☄ the fates aren't looking good for you)
Hey, uh...guys?

[Have one slightly bewildered Hagakure, network! He's currently taking up most of the screen, but his Elgyem can be seen in the bottom left corner, just kinda chilling on his shoulder. Grey the Elgyem looks pretty worn out for some reason. Maybe they were doing some training?]

Have any of you seen weird pink crystals coming out of the ground? Me and Alice-chi are in Saffron right now and uh...

[He backs up from the 'Gear and pans to what can only be described as a huge chunk of crystal jutting out from the ground, with smaller chunks scattered around it. Though Hagakure's a good fifty feet away, viewers can still tell the thing is massive. A bunch of trainers are gathered around it, with one recognizable gym leader of Saffron City amongst them. Even stranger, this one is basically in the middle of downtown Saffron! Apparently the crystals don't give a crap where they come up.]

They're everywhere here, and I heard other trainers saying they're showing up in other cities. Have you guys seem 'em or anything like 'em before? What d'you think they're here for? I thought at first they might be some cool OOParts suddenly unearthing themselves after centuries of slumber, waiting the right time to wake up, but...I dunno, man. I'm kinda hesitant to even touch one 'cause they could be cursed or something!

[The view focuses back on Hagakure, whose expression is a mixture of fascination and concern.]

I asked Sabrina the other day why my Psychic-type Pokemon were acting strange and she didn't know what was causing it, but she said it's not good, whatever it is. I thought it was just me getting weird vibes, but nope, turns out a lot of people and Pokemon were getting 'em. And then all these crystals showed up out of nowhere the next day! There's no way that's just a coincidence.

I really hope it's not some sort of doomsday omen. None of my Apocalypse Planne--I-I mean, none of my research said anything about crystals coming from the earth to signal the end of the world, but you never know with this place.

[But...enough about that. He's going to freak himself out if he keeps thinking about it.]

So let's talk crystals, dudes. Oh, and if anyone needs help calming down their Psychic-types, I got some tips you can try.

[Private to fellow Dangans]

Hey, guys at the house? Please tell me none of those crystals broke in? Some of these things have gotten pretty huge, and it'd really suck if one ended up in the house...
crystalballer: (☄ i predict you're an asshat)
[Hagakure's most recent post is taking place outside...on the roof of the Dangan House from the looks of things. He seems to be in deep thought, but not quite so much as the Meditite sitting beside him. It looks like nothing could stop that Pokemon from its meditation.

It should also be noted that he has significantly less hair than he did in his previous broadcast. Character development!! Or something. Or maybe the January heatwave just got to him. Either way, it'll probably look really weird for those who know him and haven't seen the change yet.

But with that sidebar over...]


Okay guys, I'm pretty sure we can all agree that the January heatwave was really freaky. We even had some guesses that maybe the end of the world was coming, but I didn't get any of those kinda vibes from Fates so it wasn't that.

But that's not all the weird weather that's been goin' on lately...

[He picks the 'Gear up to give a general view of the scenery. It's sunny and calm, with not as much snow around as you'd expect in February. The skyline of Goldenrod City can be seen not too far off from this view too.]

I dunno if you guys've noticed, but the weather's been the same for like a week. Same temps, same sunny sky, same everything! I dunno if that's creepier than nineties in the middle of January or what.

But I think I finally know what's goin' down here.

[Similar to his first post, he brings the 'Gear closer to his face and lowers his voice like he's trying to keep a secret, despite the fact that he's practically alone (like his Meditite's going to be listening in) and he's telling this to the entire network.]

Something's seriously up, you guys. I think someone's—I'd say it's the government, but does Johto even have one? Anyway, someone's found out a way to control the weather, either with a machine or a really powerful Pokemon or something, and they're like...testing it to see what it can do. Then they're gonna use it to manipulate the weather for their benefit! I bet they set the weather like this to lure out those weird Bloober things for them to catch en masse and sell on the Black Market!!

[The further he goes, the more animated and passionate he gets about this ridiculous conspiracy theory.]

And that's not all, oh no. That's just the beginning! Once they perfect the weather manipulation, they're gonna improve whatever they're using and figure out how to control our minds! They're gonna totally brainwash us to do their bidding!!

[Oh god he's legitimately serious about this, someone stop him.]

Sure, it all sounds like something you'd expect from a cartoon, but believe me when I say it's totally possible. I've done a lot of reading and researching back home, and seriously, you guys have no idea what groups with a lot of money and power can actually do.

[Finally finished with his rant, Hagakure takes a moment to inhale and catch his breath.]

So my point in all this is basically, next time something else really weird happens with the weather, remember what I said, 'kay? Maybe we should try to get to the bottom of this sometime before it gets seriously bad. Oh! And make sure you're always aware of yourself. You never know when you'll end up doing something you never thought you would due to brainwashing.

[He gives a nod of approval as if he feels he's proud of himself for that...whatever that was, then ends the feed there.]
crystalballer: (Default)
Yasuhiro Hagakure

October 2020

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