crystalballer | fortune 006 | video/action for Goldenrod

[action, early in the day]

[Hagakure can be found at the Goldenrod department store, doing a little shopping. At the most opportune moment, he's at the cash register getting his items rung up. He doesn't look very happy about it, though. In fact, he looks downright horrified.]

A total of P666?! You can't be serious! That's like, a super bad omen! You gotta tell me you made a mistake ringing that crap up!

[The extremely confused cashier tries to reason with the freaked out Hagakure, but after not being able to calm him down, she eventually finds a coupon from the store's coupon book and applies it out of pity. This time, the total comes to P444, and...Hagakure isn't any happier about it.]

Now it's really unlucky!! Why is this happening to meeeeee?!

[There are bad signs everywhere and his luck is so bad, you guys.]

[video]

[It's been a long time since Hagakure made a post to the network. In fact, the subject he's going to be talking about is the same as his last post. He's been purposely avoiding posting for Several Reasons but that's not the point right now. After the continuation of earth tremors, glowing crystals, agitated Psychic types, bad number omens, and now near-constant headaches of his own, he knows it's time to speak up.]

Long time no see, guys! How's it going?

[He's surprisingly upbeat despite...everything, but hey, it's always good to appear totally cool on the network.

Not that he's ever done a good job of that, but you know.]

Since these weird tremors and glowing crystals haven't let up, I figured I'd lend my services to you guys. Ya see, I'm a fortune teller and I'm really good with Psychic types. For everyone who has at least one, you've had to have noticed that they've been acting really unlike themselves every time these tremors come around and the crystals flip out.

[He seems a little troubled when he talks about that, but he presses on.]

Well, I can help with that! I've got a ton of Psychic types, and I have plenty of techniques to calm 'em down that I'd be happy to share.

I did something like this the last time the crystals were messing things up, but this time I'm opening up my office for personal visits. [His office being…his room at the Dangan House.] So if you have an anxious Psychic type, you can bring 'em over and I'll personally show you how to help 'em out.

[…there has to be a catch to this, but if there is one, Hagakure's not saying.]

So yeah, just drop me a line here and we can work something out! I can do long distance appointments too, for everyone not in Goldenrod.

[Aaand deep breath. Phew. Okay, now that the business is out of the way...his face suddenly gets a lot more serious.]

I'm also up for discussing the tremors and crystals, especially from people who were here for the last crystal attack. I'd really like to hear your theories behind 'em, 'cause this is getting kiiind of crazy.

You guys don't think the last attack was just a precursor to something even worse, do you...?

[With that awful thought in mind, Hagakure ends the feed there.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[As it happens, Parker is at the Department Store for completely unrelated and independent reasons (she comes here sometimes to look at things and admire things and definitely not steal things because she's trying to be better about that but it's not illegal to think about how she could, certainly), but by now she'd recognize Hagakure's voice — and his anguished cry — pretty much anywhere, so as his bad-luck adventure begins, she hightails it over to the cash register to see what's going on.]

Heeeeeey, look at that, funny meeting you here!

[This is attempted code for "what is the matter, do I need to stab someone, if so please indicate them surreptitiously and I will take it from there.]

Whatcha doin', Hagakure?

[By the time Parker shows up, Hagakure's dejectedly paying for his items. It's not like the cashier could help the fact that the items totaled to numbers that apparently have terrible implications in other cultures, so she's trying to rush the hysteric young man along before he draws an even bigger crowd with his ranting.

He looks a little startled at first when she calls out to him, only because of what just happened.]

O-Oh, Alice-chi...

[He almost messed up and used her real name, but thankfully he's just as used to Alice as he is Parker at this rate.

From the look on his face, you'd think he just predicted the end of the world. Fortunately he's just being incredibly over-superstitious.]

I was just getting some stuff, but I got some really bad signs in the process. I don't know what I did to deserve two unlucky numbers in one day!

[No need to stab the poor cashier, Parker...]

[...Well, maybe there's no need to stab the cashier, but that is certainly not a good look and she doesn't like it. :| ]

Unlucky numbers? What do you mean?

Um...

[Now that he's gotten the receipt, he holds it up for Parker to see, pointing to the offending numbers.]

See those? They're really bad numbers. Like, 666 is an evil omen. It's bad luck in a lot of cultures. And 444? Super unlucky too 'cause "four" and "death" sound really similar in Japanese. You usually wanna avoid these numbers to avoid back luck.

[He makes a long sigh after saying that.]

And I managed to get both of 'em within minutes of each other!

Ohhhhh.

[She still doesn't exactly get why numbers are a big deal, but she figures Hagakure probably knows better than her on this kind of thing anyway, so she's nodding and going along with it.]

So...if you just got a bunch of bad luck...maybe you should do a bunch of good-luck stuff to even it out?

[It's very serious business, Parker. Super serious.]

Yeah, that's the idea. Usually, anyway. I mean, the bad luck vibes are really strong this time.

[He frowns at the receipt, stuffing it in his pocket.]

Hmmm, maybe hanging out with Naegi-chi would be the best choice to try to get rid of the bad luck...

I have some rabbits. They have four feet each.

[Times two rabbits...]

Sooo...maybe if you held them, that'd be like eight times as much good luck, right?

[PARKER NO]

You...want to cut your rabbits' feet off?

[?????

Parker-chi you don't just hold live rabbits to get the charm effect...]

What? No!

[WHY WOULD YOU EVER]

I meant the rabbits! Not just their feets! Foots. Feet. Feet.

Okay, just checking!

[IT'S NOT LIKE HE'D ACTUALLY WANT TO GO THROUGH WITH IT. THAT'S JUST CRUEL.]

That's usually how the lucky rabbit's foot comes! With the foot already off!

...So the foot only gets lucky after you cut it off?

[FRIENDLY REMINDER YOU KIDS ARE IN PUBLIC HAVING THIS CONVERSATION]

How does that work?

[It sure is a good thing they have enough tact to take this conversation somewhere else!

...Which means they're going to have it right here and now.]

Uh-huh. At least, that's how it usually goes. To get the luckiest rabbit's foot, you gotta kill a rabbit in a graveyard during a full moon on a Friday and then take its left back foot!

[Not like they're tying up the checkout line, either! OH WAIT.]

What do you mean you have to kill the rabbit?

[HAHA WHOOPS. Maybe they'll catch on...eventually...]

Don't ask me, I don't make the rules! And I've never personally done it! I've always gotten mine from a reputable seller!

[Spoilers: they were all fake.]

fortune 006 | video/action for Goldenrod

action;

action;

action;

action;

action;

action;

action;

action;

action;

action;

action;

action;

action;

action;